Hoochies in minis

And no, I don't mean the car.

To all the little 19 year old Miss Thangs out there, and to a Miss Thang in particular that I've had the utter misfortune of encountering twice in the last 2 months, here's a little tip... when you dress like a hooker, you look like a hooker. Leave the hooker look to, well, hookers... and Paris Hilton.

Ok, let me break this down for you. Short, micro mini skirts and low cut dresses are not, I repeat, ARE NOT the new black. Contrary to popular belief, I don't need to see what you ate for breakfast, as much as you'd like to show me, but I'm really not down with that. Although I must say, it is highly amusing for me to watch you try, rather unsuccessfully I might add, to sit down without the whole kit and kaboodle heading north for the winter and ending up somewhere around your neck. Haven't quite mastered the art of that one I see. Maybe if you attached some weights to the bottom of your mini, it might help the situation? Although then we'd probably end up seeing your rack, and God knows I really don't want to see that... although if I was a guy I'd actually be attaching the weights to your mini myself while you weren't looking.

What is so damn annoying about hoochies in minis is that no matter what, they will always turn guy's heads. None of the rest of us ever get a look-in when there is a hoochie in a mini in da house. I've thought about going the hooch myself and slipping into something a little more short, but I honestly don't think the greater public is ready to see my glow stick excuses for legs. Plus there needs to be some serious, and I mean serious 'back burning' down there if there was a chance it could ever see the light of day due to my mini.

No, I think there needs to be some of us to keep the balance. Sure, I no longer have the body of a stick insect - gravity and age have taken care of that for me, but I believe that you can be sexy without wearing an outfit that gives the world a poonani preview. I can go out, show a bit of rack, but not too much, show a hint of knee, and still look like I'd be alright in the sack.

So to all the hoochies in minis, I say whatever. There is a time and place for such attire - time would be about 2:30am, and place would be a brothel in Kings Cross. Remember, you might be the chick that guys want to fuck, but I'm the chick they want to actually spend the rest of their life with.